Sunday, September 29, 2019

Comment Wall

Please leave your comments here, thanks! To check out my storybook project, click here.

Fire by Liz West.

23 comments:

  1. Hey there Sam! I just had the chance to take a look your your project for this semester. I was drawn in immediately by the title of your project, and so I knew that I had to check it out. I liked the picture of fire that you included on your home page, but maybe you could change it up for the introduction page? Also, the overall project has a hellish theme, so feel free to make your website a little more dark and brooding. Upon reading your introduction, I have to admit that your story was written in such a modern way that it was easy to follow. I was able to put myself into the story and connect with the main character Dante. The story really jumped into what was going on right away, so you may want to consider adding a little more background information on how/why the character is in the woods. I look forward to reading more of your project in the future!

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  2. Hey Sam!

    Really nice project! I enjoyed looking through what you have so far. Your name and banner image certainly caught my attention, great way to engage readers! Your presentation was an especially effective part of the storybook. Have you considered mixing up the images you use though? You could maybe find some painting of hell that would be good to use.

    As far as the story goes, I think you did a solid job of introducing your concept. Your descriptions are powerful and definitely add to the experience of reading this. The way you've modernized the narration of Dante is a fun element. The way he talks in this introduction is much more readable for a modern audience than the original Inferno book. What layers of hell do you plan to focus on? Have you thought about adding in some crazy/unexpected twists to the story later on since many of us know the original story? I'm excited to follow this storybook, good luck!

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  3. Hey Sam!
    The idea of your storybook is very unique! Hell is such an interesting concept, because no one seems to be able to agree what such a place would look like. Is it a place where we are tortured until the end of our days, constantly suffering and in pain? Does the torture look like a hacksaw, or is it more subtle, like having to listen to the yellow polka dot bikini song on repeat for the next thousand years? I love that you've chosen to show us your vision of what hell is.
    That being said, I am a little confused by your introduction; is the narrator already in hell, or is he on his way? Clarifying the setting where the narrator starts out will help situate the reader for the rest of the stories. Also, be careful to keep your tense consistent. While you begin narrating in the present, you then switch to past perspective. Because of the nature of your story, I'd recommend keeping it in present tense. Can't wait for the next installment!

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  4. Hey Sam!

    I just read your introduction of your story page, and the first thing that pulled me in was your title "A New Kind of Hell", it was a very intense title that dragged me in to want to know more. First of all I like the parts of the story where Dante uses sarcasm such as the point where he says there was no one behind him and how that was "reassuring" hahaha. I wanted to ask what was so important about Virgil, like why did he have such a fascination with him? For instance, was it his writing style? The lifestyle he was living? His mysteriousness? Just curious! I wonder how the story could be embellished if the wolf ended up staying in the picture; perhaps, when the creatures come in the presence of Virgil they turn nice instead of evil, as if he is a sort of peace maker to the animals!

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  5. Hey Sam! I read your introduction for your storybook and I am really intrigued by the idea. Your website is pretty sick. I love the color scheme of the site with the picture of the fire is soothing and pleasing to the eye. The thought of reimagining hell is a crazy concept. The first paragraph got me really interested in the story from the start. That is one thing about your introduction that popped for me was the introduction and how you sucked me into reading. I really enjoyed the reading as I was constantly wanting to know more and more. One question is where is the narrator to begin? Is he already in hell or outside of hell and on his way in. Other than that I thought the introduction was pretty solid. One thing that popped out to me while reading was the switch from present tense to another form which was a little interesting to see, but other than that I thought the website and introduction was put together well.

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  6. Hello Sam. I was very intrigued by your home page and the fact that it said "A New Kind of Hell." Your introduction was written very well and I am excited to experience these twists and turns that you mention! Did this 20 year old man die or did he just find himself in hell? I was a little confused because in order to go to heaven or hell, you have to die first. I also do not know if you meant it this way, but I found it humorous when you said "sit back and relax" because in my head, hell is not a place to sit back and relax hahah. It was interesting that the first person Dante sees is his favorite poet, Virgil. I wonder how Virgil got to hell and why he is Dante's guide. I wonder where Virgil will take Dante and what the pair will encounter on their journey. Cannot wait to continue reading your stories!!

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  7. I like the attention grabber that you chose to use. The idea of a new hell, one that is completely unlike the one that we currently know. I enjoyed how you transitioned from being lost in life to being lost in the woods, but it took me a minute to understand that is what was being said. It may be useful to have one more sentence in there in order to make the transition a bit smoother. I was also a little confused why dante was so unfazed by seeing a ghost. I understand that he was being chased by a wolf, but a ghost is still scary, or maybe mention when he first sees him that he was not scared or maybe just describe an initial reaction. I thought that the picture that you chose did an excellent job of illustrating the story, it gave me a good idea of how everything looked

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  8. Hello Sam!
    Your introduction really drew me in and intrigued me. It leaves a lot to the imagination. I am really excited to see where it goes. I think you could, however, give better or more background information so your readers have a better idea of where your story is going or what to expect from your future stories. As far as your website layout it looks very good. If I were you I would include a link on your home page to your introduction so your readers can navigate it better. I think some simple revisions and if you added more detail to your introduction it would be really great and get people really excited to read your first story. Overall, I really think you have a good foundation to build off of and I am interested to see where you take your page.
    -Sam M.

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  9. Hi Sam!
    I really enjoyed reading your introduction and I cannot wait to see the first story! I found your voice to be very evident throughout the introduction, and it felt as if I was actually in your mind. Will this be a style you will continue on in your future writing? Like some of the other comments above, I am kind of unsure of what the storybook will lead to in future stories. Are you focusing on Dante's stories or are you going to be a character in his stories? I also think the image you included complements the story you wrote. It helped me with imagining the setting of the forest as you get lost and chased by the wolf. Is there any significance to the wolf? It seems like you used it to transition to Dante, but is there anything else you could add to this piece of the plot?

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  10. Hi Sam!

    The topic of your storybook looks very interesting and exciting. Right off the bat, I could tell that this storybook would be based upon Dante Alighieri's Inferno. The picture of Dante on your introductory page was a nice touch. In your introduction, you mention that your character is having a mid-life crisis. What exactly caused him to have a mid-life crisis? Was it college, family, a relationship?I think that it would be very insightful to the readers to further expand on how the character got into the emotional and physical state that he is in. I think that it would be helpful if you had more of a smoother transition from talking about the character's mid-life crisis to him being in the woods. Maybe you could start with the character walking in the woods and then have him explain how he ended up there!
    Overall, I feel like this storybook has so much potential and I am excited to read it!

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  11. Hey Sam! I really liked you introduction. I had to read Dante's Inferno in high school, but it was one of those books that I just ended up Sparknoting so I was excited to read yours. Its crazy how much more enjoyment you can get out of something when you aren't forced to do it.
    First off I think you have a great hook. I think hell is something everyone wonders about. Everyone has their own version of what they think hell would be for them. I also really like your sense of humor and think it adds a lot to your writing. You do a lot to make the story feel refreshing. It never felt dry. To add on to that, your dialogue feels great. It doesn't come across as weird or choppy. Your dialogue flows into one another perfectly.
    I am very curious as to what will happen in your storybook? Are you going to be a character in the stories? I am intrigued and very excited to see where you take your storybook project. You already have me hooked in. I hope you continue to incorporate your voice into the rest of your project. Thanks for the enjoyable read, and I can't wait to read the rest.

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  12. Hi Sam!

    Your introduction is really great! It immediately captivates the reader because of the fun language you use (e.g. instead of using technical language to describe hell you write about it in a way that makes the reader re-think everything they have ever known about it).

    This part made me laugh: "Creepy. At least, that's what I should've thought." That is such a good way to introduce us to Dante. It shows us what kind of person he is and explains how he has gotten himself into this kind of situation. With logic like that, I'm sure this isn't the first time something like this has happened to him.

    I'm interested to see what else you do with this. I'm not sure if you're going to focus more on Dante or hell, but you've developed Dante's character so well that I hope he plays a big role in the coming stories. I look forward to reading more in the future!

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  13. Hi Sam!
    I was really intrigued by the theme of your storybook. I found it very captivating and good at pulling me in order to learn more. As far as graphic design on your storybook pages I think you could really kick it into high gear. On your home page I really like the photo of the fire but I feel like maybe you could even find a better image to put on display right there. As for your introduction and first circle story, I found the banner image to be a little grainy and hard to make out. I would suggest replacing those photos with ones more easily understood by your readers. As for the photo you picked for Dante in the forest, I think that photo is perfect and it really adds a good amount of detail to your story. Overall, I think you did a really good of incapsulating the theme of your storybook in your photos.
    -Sam

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  14. Hey Sam! I just came across your storybook for the first time this semester! I really enjoyed reading your intro and first story. The banner really grabbed my attention because of the intensity of it. But as Sam mentioned above, I do agree that the images could be clearer, maybe finding some pictures on Wikipedia (those have always been clear for me). Week 12 is all about author’s notes and I have to say, yours have been one of the best so far! I have found that I typically do not give as much background to the original story, where I came up with my ideas, and what I am hoping to do with my story. But in yours I feel as though you hit all those major points so good job! Other than changing the banner images, I think your storybook is going great! I cannot wait to check back in in a few weeks!

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  15. Hi Sam! I just found your Storybook and was really interested to read it. I am really impressed with your style of writing. I was truly captivated and always excited to read more. After reading your introduction and first story, I liked how well the Introduction set the scene for the next story and began to develop Dante’s character. I think it is interesting that you decided to include Richard Nixon in your first story and think that you incorporated this character well. I am really curious as to why Virgil is taking Dante on this journey and what is going to unfold next. Also, I loved how detailed your author’s note was… I think it revealed necessary information that allowed me to better understand your story and where you plan to take the plot next. I can’t wait to come back and read again once you have more stories. Great job!

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  16. Hi Sam! First of all, what an interesting read! I knew before I even read the first part that I would enjoy this storybook! It is both creative and humorous, and I can tell you put a lot of effort into the creation of this story! Before reading this, I had not read Dante's Inferno, but I knew that there were various different levels of hell, and I was very interested to see how you would change/add to this element of the story! After reading the intro (which was very exciting to get through), I clicked on the first story that talks about the first level of hell where Dante will learn his first lesson about sin. I was very surprised and confused to see Nixon there, however, after I read your author's note, it became clear to me what you were trying to do. In using Nixon as the first to teach Dante a lesson, you were able to make this story more relatable! Overall, very good job!

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  17. Hey Sam,

    This was my first time seeing your storybook. I think you did a phenomenal job with your introduction. It's so captivating, and it definitely had me drawn in and wanting to read your next story. You used a lot of detail, and I was able to "see" your story as I was reading it. The language you gave Dante is very representative of a 20 year old, so great job with that as well!

    Moving on to Circle 1, the length and spacing of your paragraphs works very well. I also love that you used a real-life example to portray arrogance. I'm just a little bummed that there wasn't another story I can read, because you are killing this assignment!

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  18. Hey Sam! This was a really captivating storybook, and I wish it were long enough to be able to go through all nine circles! With regards to layout/visual appearance, I wasn't sure how you chose the header images the way you did, with the title page and story 2 matching, and the intro and story 1. I think it would be better for consistency's sake if they were either all the same or all different--maybe the story pages could have header images more related to the sin that they're focused on?

    I really liked how your Introduction was a story as well, and you author notes give good insight into what you were trying to accomplish through each story. Overall, your incorporation of dialogue is really good--one suggestion would be to cut out one or two of the "saids" in the first story,but it honestly already flows really nice.

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  19. Hey Sam,

    I just read "Circle 1: Arrogance" and really enjoyed it. I found your changes from the original story to be hilarious, such as the changing Dante's character from an empathetic character to a Generation Z child and swapping Julius Caesar with Richard Nixon. I have to admit I laughed a little bit at the part where Dante stomped his feet and threw a tantrum until Virgil told him where they were going. It's a little scary to think what would happen if arrogance was one of the reasons people were in hell. If that were the case there would a ton of people in hell and not so many in heaven! I also think it's great that you're focusing on character development by showing how Dante's trust in Virgil grows more and more throughout the story. Anyway I just want to say great job and I'm looking forward to the next story!

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  20. Hello Sam,
    I like how your introduction is informative yet not all to revealing. It lets us know a bit about the source material and the direction of the storybook. I enjoyed reading your first story about Virgil and his companion in adventure Dante. I have not read the original source material, but I feel the pain of Dante being dragged along into hell. I like how you described the journey as tiring and that Dante felt himself growing more and more tired. I also like how your representation of arrogance was Nixon, a valid representation. Your second story was equally good and thrilling. I liked how Virgil keeps convincing Dante to follow him further and further down. I was thrown for a loop when you decided to represent lust as Jafar. I too watched a lot of Disney and found your inclusion of Jafar to be interestingly spot on when explained. Overall great stories! I can’t wait to read the third one!

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  21. Hey Sam,

    I came back to read another one of your stories. This time I read "Circle 2: Lust." I was surprised when Virgil let Dante choose which path to take because in the first story it seemed to me that Virgil was going to make this journey on his own and he begrudgingly let Dante tag along with him. I wonder what would've happened if Virgil was the one who chose the path? I like the change you made in adding a fictional character instead of a real life character and Jafar fits the role of a fictional character in hell perfectly. The detail you use in describing him is great, especially the glare that stares right through you because that's what I remember the most about Jafar. At the end of the story, I like Virgil's explanation to Dante about what was going on. These characters he was coming across had no way out of hell but Dante had a chance to get out. Great story and good luck on your finals!

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  22. Hi Sam!

    It's cool that you decided to reimagine Dante's Inferno. I read that this week for the final European unit and it's interesting to see how it could be reimagined in modern day! Personally, I would've put Nixon way further down in hell for all of his racism and the War on Drugs, which put a whole lot of people in prison that didn't belong there! But hey, I'm still glad to see him in hell!
    Your banner image shows up quite a bit pixelated to me, so I'd advise that maybe you pick a different one? Other than that, you've done a great job with your storybook! I hope you have a great winter break!

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  23. Hey Sam!

    I love Dante's Inferno and I think your version did the original justice. After reading through the finished product one of my favorite parts is still the first line of the intoduction. I think it's awesome to tell readers to imagine something, and then tell then that its nothing like they imagine.

    I loved how you decided to include Jafar in the circle of lust. I totally did not see that coming. Aladdin was one of my favorite Disney movies as a kid. When I think of Jafar lust isn't the first thing that comes to mind, but you are right. He fits perfectly here. I think you stumbled upon a really cool idea incorporating fictional characters in the story. If you were to continue the portfolio I would really love to see you keep playing with that idea. I really enjoyed reading your project and seeing it come together. Great work this semester.

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